once u turn back. u 'll think about it again~

.. just started to write again after long hiatus~ ha, not that long la. Anyway. as usual, today i wake up and put cloth to washing machines and let it go sunshine. sleep and wake up. not much to do. as usual and forget to write finance notes. sigh~

oo.. bout the topic.

once u turn back. u'll think about it again~

 i'm not kind of person whom love to think bad about others but sometimes we just can't forget what we do it past time which exactly not a good deed *i would say* and yes, sometimes looking back at my high school times i do regret. To tell ya.. okay. there's one very good looking boy in my class and he's one of a kind that makes ur heart melts; like the way i felt. haha~ and 'many' adorable girls *including me* we fond by him. making competition to get through his attention goes hard. Indeed. there's a mix girl in same class *he like her* and a year later they were a couple. I .. dislike her. but not straight forward about it and i guess she knows it well. she's my another friend best friend and usually *i think laa* my best best friend often chooses her instead of me. so.. yes. i dislike her and our relationship can't go well because of me. maybe it was too obvious to her. Feeling bad lately! when i saw her in FB etc.. just regret it. she such a beautiful mix girls that never ever hurt me and yet i treat her that way~ huu T_____T

ha. ad satu kisah lain ni pulak. tringat kt kwn ni. Dia seorang gadis yang kalau dipandang terlalu cantik sehinggakan kecantikan dia tu sukar dilupakanlah kiranya. Kalau tengok dia bukan takat cemburu lagi.. tapi terus rasa macam nampak bidadarilah rasanya *berangan* ha, orangnya pandai dan sangat.. lembut dan tegas pada masa yang =.. kami baik2 je. tp, ad 1 insiden ni yg buat nilai tu jadi macam bursa saham time ekonomi jatuh aka susut. ad 1 masa ni.. ak nk check laa profile dia kt fb. cerita dia. so, search laa nama dia. the result is. dia remove ak! atas alasan apa? tidak diketahui. sejak tu, langsung tak pernah dtg rmh dia. sbb *terasa hati* yg dia x suka. so, buat ap dtg. hmm.. apapun ak dah maafkan dia. cuma hati ni masih terasa. tapi apakan daya. kalau org dah x suka nak buat apa lah kann..?

tetiba pulak teringat pasal kisah sorg kwn nie lg. lately dia tulis kt fb yg dia dah di hired bekerja kt kaw sekitar Kuala Lumpur. Alhamdulillah~ rzeki dia. bgs laa. cpt kerja.. cepat kahwin. calon pun dah ada. UPU dia d-.. so agk kesian juga. tp, lain kali dia bo cuba kan? orgnya bijak.. tentu ad pluang~ anyway wlaupun ak x tlis kt FB dia congratulations .. tp deep inside in my herat i always did. good job man! :D

kisah last but not least. sejak ak dipercikkan o minyak masak ahad lepas.. semuany cam tak kena. *ini cerita lain, tpesong pulak* kembali kpd storyline.. mula2 ak ingt nk get flow through wind je *skandal jawa x berapa jd* tp smkin lama nk lupa semakin byk pula yg aku rsa suka tentang dia~ semua *maklumat yg ak stalker* uu~ seramnya! daripada dia mencerminkan dia sbg 'lelaki idaman ak' ad ke status mcm tu? bila renung-renungkan balik cam ad hikmahnya. insyaAllah kalau ad rzeki tu adalah~ kan? kpd yg mmbc entri ni. sila doakan laa ya.. :D amin V.____.V

selamat berpuasa. salam ramadhan. good luck. study smart dan.. smile always with love to Allah SWT. see u ni next entri ok!

Pengakuan Cinta Sejati~

Hanya lagu yang menjadi ingatan
Hanya lagu yang menjadi kenangan
Seandainya masa itu kembali semula
Inginku memiliki lebih dari itu~

Bait indah diatas dipetik dr sebuah lagu merdu yang selalu meruntun hati ini :D Judulnya Perpisahan Ini yang dilantunkan oleh 1st Edition ft Aizat Amdan. Mulanya, memang tidak mendapat tempat.. tapi bila dengar punya dengar punya dengar.. sedapnya lagu ni. Macam coastlaw yang dibeli di ... ha~
Lagu tu turut diminati oleh pakwe jawa tak berapa menjadi yang ada di blog dia. Sedap dengar. Sakit hati juga bila difahami maksudnya.. ada kisah yang tak kesampaian. Iyalah. Dia pun manusia biasa.. tentu ada kisah dan cerita <3 masa lalu yang terlayar di hati dan ingatan. Nak jadi lebih menyakitkan hati lagi, saya yang sangat 'naif' ini membaca karangan dia di blog tentang seorang gadis yang cuba dimilikinya satu masa dahulu. Gadis itu sudah kembali tidak dimiliki.. theres go my chance. Blow by the wind~

Nobody know just why we're here
Could it be fate or random circumstance
At the right place at the right time
Two roads intertwine

Ini pula adalah bait indah lagu dendangan kumpulan Rivermaya yang berjudul You'll Be Safe Here yang juga diluahkan oleh si dia pada kekasih yang tercintanya. To make it even easier let me type it in english *even though broken english* anyway statement in this song did intertwine 'him' and his girl. Letting me alone crying. Haa~ but i know he deserve to. After a long wait and heartbroken stories. Poor guy. Lucky girl. Happy <3 i hope so~

Ku akan selalu menjadi bintangmu
Menerangi gelapnya mimpimu
Aku setia di sini mengusap tengismu
Menemani sunyi di hatimu~

Ini lagu kesukaan aku sendiri. Dari 6ixth Sense Yang Sempurnakanku. Klip video dia agak keanak-anakkan tp still come' .. Duduk kat tepi Pantai Klebang , BBQ dengan kawan2, pastu ujan lebat mengingatkan aku pada memori malam tu. Aku duk kat tepi pantai berangan sendiri. Kawan2 plak main lagu ni kat phone diorang. Sedap layan. Sangat touched! Yeah!

yaishteru7 is lonely~

again my sayang!~

End of final 2nd semester. well, realizing that i'm not good enough to catch up my friends. Uh..why is it so hard huh? Anyway, he's getting away. Hmm..perhaps i did not pay any attention to him..?

Should be realize by now. how shame and it sad to know that ur not the same level as him. feeling that you cannot achieve what they *he* achieve. i did met another guy and there is no story about seven anymore. too good to be true. looks like i'm getting him away. For once in my life, i felt connection and real situation where when u look into his eyes, u felt so calm and grateful. Might be greedy too. and sometimes, realizing the fact that he deserve someone better is heartbroken. eventhough he did not mention or stated anything..

found his blog. his writing. but sorry, he might not'll find mine. hard to cover, maybe. i like this guy. so calm, leader, such caring person, sweet smile, not pretend and independent. kinda dreaming. waaaaaaaaaaaaa~ ok. c all secret supporters next time. welcome home sayang next time. xoxo. smile n take care!

hehe~ it's kind of his DSLR.. wee!

Pengalaman MENDEWASAKAN?

Memasuki fasa baharu dalam kehidupan dan bergelar student memang antara apa yang aku impikan selama ini. Meskipun kadangkala, aku sendiri kurang yakin. Mampukah aku menjalani kehidupan berseorangan tanpa ahli keluarga memandangkan aku sendiri tidak pernah berpisah daripada keluarga dari lahir sehinggalah saat kemasukan ke UiTM ni.. *kecuali camping dll*

Mulanya, aku akui, ada juga tangisan2 marhaenis yang aku simbahkan lantaran kerinduan memikirkan mama, atuk dan adik kat kampung. Kemudiannya, aku berazam untuk mempertingkatkan diri dan menghadiahkan kejayaan pada kesakitan yang aku rasakan saat itu. Segalanya begitu indah di sini dan bermula dari keseorangan, aku kini ditemani oleh kawan2 yang sangat sporting dan nyata memahami. Kami dalam dunia yang sama. Alhamdulillah~

Musim assignment dan presentation sememangnya musim yang tidak mampu dilupakan. Memang sangat menguji kekuatan mental, fizikal dan yang paling penting sekali bagaimana cara kita menghadapi tekanan dalam masa yang semakin menghimpit. Tidur? jangan ceritalah. Semuanya terpaksa dikorbankan. Nak tak nak bila kawan2 satu kumpulan sendiri ada yang buat derrkk aje dengan presentation dan projek yang akan dibentangkan. Apa yang mereka tahu cuma menyalahkan kami yang membuat kerja. Kata-kata pedas seperti 'Tulah, kenapa korang tak siapkan awal-awal' dan 'kenapa nak jumpa lecturer tak ajak kitaorang' membuatkan aku rasa nak bagi penampar sebijik aje kat diaorang. Sejujurnya, aku manusia biasa. Mudah juga hilang rasa sabar yang aku ibaratkan seperti nipisnya kulit bawang. Masing-masing hanya tahu menunjuk kepada kami kesalahan yang disebabkan oleh mereka sendiri!

Teringat pada satu kertas kerja yang sepatutnya dihantar jam 5 ptg. Ingatkan si dia ni berjayalah siapkan mengikut formula jawapan seperti yang dikehendaki oleh pensyarah. Tapi, lain pula jadinya. Dia just cut and paste jawapan daripada assignment! Nak tak nak kitaorang (3 orang ahli yang lain) terpaksalah mengarang kertas kerja. Masa? 4.30 ptg! Mana dia waktu tu? Sikitpun takde rasa bersalah pada kitaorang yang berhempas pulas membuat kerja. Aku yang kebetulan dah 2 hari tak tidur malam (tidur just 1-2 jam sahaja) apa lagi, naik marah! Nasib baik dia takde depan aku, kalau tak memang habis dia kena marah! Aku nak mintak maaf sangat kat member aku (ahli yang lain) yang terkena percikan kemarahan aku hari tu. memang tahap bengang gila!

Sekarang nie, dia buat lagi! Entahlah, dia indeed tua setahun dari aku. Tapi, perangai dia macam tak hormat orang lain. Kenapa dia tak kira pandangan orang lain? In case kalau dia tak tahu atau tak faham, bukannya dia nk tanya. Dah tu, buat muka blur depan lacturer, ingat lecturer nak bagi markah kesian kat dia? Pengsan sedar balik pun tak mungkinlah! Bila dia kata hitam, hitamlah jawapan dia. takkan ada perubahan. sakit jantung tengok orang macam nie. Semua kesalahan bagi pada orang lain. Sampaikan nak sewa kereta pun jadi issue dan 'masalah' bagi dia. Tapi, rupa-rupanya dia yang create masalah tu. Nak bawak orang lain bukannya nak bagitahu. Apa? Dia expect orang faham-faham sendiri ke? Apalah! Hisssssssssssh!

Say A Word For Them! NOW~

Feeling like you cannot go on. alone. helpless and despair. darkness is all around.

     Reality just can't get enough without pain and sadness. Due to this, often we felt really helpful and sometimes thought that we're alone. In this situation, you might think once to end your life. But, seriously that wasn't a big help. Instead, you just make things worst.
     Imagine that the sun that used to rise and shine everyday is such a burdensome and wished that the day would never pases. Your friend wasn't able to help you regarding to your issue. Sorrow will soon came and stressed is your new game. What was scary enough is that your own family can't support your own ideas and decision. It was a real hard time. Might end negatively or positively.
     We want to live our life so happily ever after like fairy tales. None of us want to ruin our own house. We want our children to obey rules and loved by everyone. Don't want they to be hated and bullied. We want to eat something fresh and delicious rather than something that is obviously opposite. We imagine that we'll live happily with our loved one when we get old and start to always nagging.
     Either one of us want to live in a war. Being Palestine civilian which always can't get enough sleep. Afraid with Israel bomb and rocket. Our family lost one by one. Our cute little child died in our own hands. They're full of thick red blood. Our cute little daughters and sons who used to play around and laugh happily were gone. And there are no justice against it. It was like waiting for our own angel of death to take us away from this world.
     War caused by lack of humanity. One can't imagine themselves being in other parties. Didn't want to tolerate. Want something eagerly and forced others to gave away. Aren't care about killing and hurting others. There are no love and no doubted that it always ends tragically. This is not a horror story that we plant in our children's mind so they would go to sleep. It was a history once but happen in these days. Have you heard about human right and justice being said in papers and media for them? but there is nothing we do to bring them 'alive' again.
     This is not about religion, our nation and our right. but this is for theirs. T_T (for Palestine!)

THE LOVE STORIES..reality and fantasy.

I remember the moment of my friend tell the others that she now in love with this man. The glows of her face tells that she was a lucky girl in this world. She has found her Mr. Right. But, several days later she told me that they've broke up. She tells me that he was cheating on her. He just take an advantage upon her. Just using her. To be truth, i was shocked! I'm a type of 'soul mate' lover thinker. So, the first time i knew that this is the reality, i changed my mind. There are no such things. The world would never had Jack. The world just have a same person as Rose. There are not such loyal man. I ended up giving up and take single but not available as my tag line.

As the time goes by, i knew one story. A story about a very fine man. He was the man of everything a girl ever wanted. A very high and charming personality. Charismatic, romantic, bachelor , a very responsible person, good brother and son. He fell in love again for a girl at the same class. *we were in a same class though*. They were a couple. She was a fine lady. Her sweet smile and voice would make man fall. A grace woman, a friend of mine. The lovey dovey couple ended up their relationship 2 month later. I remember that time, because we had our mathematics test on that day. Other friend of mine told us that they've just broke up. This fact make me think a lot. Normally, a woman would fall for a man with sweet talks. But this girl just can't accept those sweet and romantic words given to her. Well, i just can't understand it. Why she would accept him if she knows that she couldn't accept his action..? Maybe, she just don't realize it yet? Or she had to find a reason to let this relationship go? She has her own reason, and i respect her. She stands on her words. Till now.

Here's a story of a girl who always adore this man since her premier school. What i can say about this man is he's a youngest brother in his family members.  Fair and good looking man. With a several meet, they were a couple. She's done almost everything for him *except sex etc things*. And she was really in love for him. One day, he find it hard to continue with their relationship, so he just 'bye' her. Make her hearts breaks. Without any explanations. They just broke. 4 years later, he called her to tell how sorry he was for what he done before. He said, maybe it was what he's done to her that make other did a same thing to him. There it goes! What goes around goes around. Serve him right! Can't he said sorry to her right away he break their relationship? Why he had to wait till he had the same situation right on his face? Selfish! Coward!

Another story i learn is about a man who's been coupled with his girl for almost 8 years. Well, i guess more than that! He's a very handsome looking man. But, he use this credit to flirt with other. The other parties were his girl best friend. Imagine, a man spokes closely to you. So close that you could hear his breath flowing. To me, this is an unacceptable act! *Please, if you want to flirt in front of me..do think wisely!* Exactly. His attitude change my point of view for him. He just one of man type. I hope i'll never find one like him hereafter. The stay close in a picture which i placed it on my FB. Well, that female girl said that that man wouldn't mind just like his girl. But the fact is, he did mind! And seriously mad at me when i took that picture in my FB. He said..

"Don't mess up with me. I and ZZZZ has problem now. I'll have a difficult time to excessive her then. huh...remove it fast. huhuhuhu... if *that other girl* asks, just tell her that you don't want to let the picture in your FB"

His girl best friend for what i know is respected person. She's very spontaneous and outspoken too. Well, i just can't find in my heart that she'll treat her friend like that way some day. But, i guess i don't like that man. Precisely.

And a new story i learn a couple of days before opened my eyes on childhood friend. Starting a conversation with me just to have my other girl friends phone. It means that he had no intention to speaks to me at all. No wonder he just act like he didn't want to speaks with me at all. Huh! Another friend that make my day negatively cloud. Rainy day i guessed. I didn't envy his action to find a way to contact this girl but, you have to do it in a proper way. Yes, i am a spontaneous person and always takes 'never mind'. But, friendship is about what you build and based upon trusts. It makes me hurt to find out 5 minutes later that he just want that girl number. Yes, it hurts my pride. Even though i've been rejected or ignored, this is worsen enough! Sorry, but i can't accept his action. Maybe i would love to be gentlemen..but i guessed, all of that kind of man had been lost to other girl..huuuuuuuuuuuuu~

Sometimes, i really wanted to know what they felt for if they've met again their lover. Ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. A person who used to know everything about you and become a complete stranger after you've broke with him/her. Maybe it will form a grudge? or you just think to let it go with the thought that you'll find a better person compare to him/her later? Love is something unpredictable and unimaginable. You could just dream a fantasy and sweet and long lasting romantic relationship. The reality lies on how you colour it. Love can be concluded like a painting or a canvas. Sometimes, you imagine that blank canvas would be a very prestigious painting day later. That blank canvas would be paint with a very admirable act, faces and colours. But, the truth is you can't paint it as you please. You may had a new ideas while you're paintings.  That'll change the results of your paints. You might like it or hated it after worked for it. You wouldn't throw it away because it stands for all days you worked for. That painting would remain as a memory. Looking at it means you look at yourself.
I just can't imagine a fairy tale anymore. Because love is what you give and take. You can't hopes for a perfect one to be yours. You'll find it hard to living with him/her. Then, you'll always find yourself horrible. It is what you didn't think of. Because love and life is full of surprises... :P